Pensive Moments

So I find that there are times in my life that I end up thinking about a lot of different things.  I usually don't recognize it until I'm in the middle of one of those moments or even the middle of a series of days with pensive moments.  The people around me start to worry because they notice how quiet I'm being and then they start asking if I'm ok which usually surprises me since I haven't been paying much attention to things going on around me.  The thing is, it's usually hard to pinpoint exactly what I'm thinking about because it's usually a myriad of thoughts that are pulsing through my brain.  Here are a few of the topics gracing my mind this week:

* Change--There are definitely a lot of changes happening around me right now.  I'm in a very interesting situation in that most of the people I associate with are college students while I also hang out with my co-workers at school, so I get to deal with two end-of-the-schoolyears, my school and the local colleges.  With BYU and UVU ending winter semester soon, a lot of the people in my ward are moving.  I've been trying to keep track of who will still be around this summer and who I will need to replace in callings, I've decided to see who is left in a week.  Some are staying in the area and others are moving home for the summer, some I'll continue to see and others I'll probably never see again.  It's not that I'm really super close to all of them, it's just bringing something different.  My roommate, Aleisha, moved last week.  There is definitely a different feel to the apartment and I've lost one of my playmates.  With the end of the school year, some changes are happening with my co-workers.  Garrett will be a principal of another school next year and Adam will be a staff developer at a different school.  Alece and I will be getting a new co-worker in 6th grade and we don't know who it will be just yet, it's a bit nerve wracking at times (don't worry, I've put in a request for a single guy to teach with us).  Change is good, but it's also different.  I've had to deal with a lot of change in my life and with it came a lot of good things and a lot of lessons learned.

*Secrets--I find that people trust me for some reason.  I've been a secret keeper for many different friends.  Most times, it's hard to remember what I can say and what I can't say, so I usually just don't say anything.  Sometimes it's a bit more difficult.  At what point should a secret be revealed?  There have been a few tidbits of information that I've had that would relieve some emotional stress, pain or worry if revealed, but then I wouldn't be keeping a secret any more.  Sometimes just me knowing the information, I can then use that knowledge to help guide or sway others without ever revealing what I know.  Is that cheating?  I've also recognized that I keep a lot of my own secrets, not that I refuse to tell anyone, more that no one ever asks.  There have been a few people lately that have learned how to get me to spill my own beans and sometimes I am surprised when they do and what I share.

*Food--I really like to eat and I enjoy making food as well.  I've made quite a few pies lately and they have all been delicious!  Also, food is a way I socialize with people.  I invite boys over for pie, I chat with friends and roommates over dessert or dinner, I hang out with my family at lunch.

*The Future--I have a lot of possibilities in front of me right now.  There are quite a few things that could be different in the next few weeks or months and definitely in the next year.  I don't have control over most of those things, so I'm just hanging on for the ride.  Others, I have decisions to make.  There were a bunch of things I said I would never do and ended up doing them anyways--live in Utah, attend BYU, get my masters degree, teach for more than a few years, etc.  I guess this shows me that I don't always know what I want or what I should be doing, so why be surprised if things turn out differently than planned (because they usually do).

I hope you enjoyed this tiny corner of my mind.  Please come again!