Do You Ever Feel...

Do you ever feel like you want to say something, but you don't know what?  That's kinda how I'm feeling right now.  I have something on the tip of my brain but I'm not quite sure how to say it or how to even completely form the thought.

Lately I've been observing friendships...current, past, long-lasting, acquaintances, etc.  How do some even start?  I look at some of the friendships I've had and have and some are just mind-boggling.  Like with  my friend Dirk and I, I've tried to figure out or pinpoint the beginning of when we really started hanging out and even when we started confiding in each other.  Then there's my cousin, Pam, we've been friends for forever.  Yeah, we're family but not all family are best friends.  Yet again, I can tell her anything and we understand each other.  We have a standing understanding that we can just call and vent and think nothing of the venting.  Then there are all of the friends that started as roommates.  We were stuck living together for periods of time, some were just there while others became lifelong friends.  I guess my best friends are the friends I feel I can talk to about anything and just feel comfortable talking to...that's not an easy thing for me to find or do.  I wish I knew the secret formula that makes a person someone I'm comfortable talking to.  If you know me and can think back to the first time we ever met, I'm sure you'd remember some awkward person, really quiet, somewhat intimidating to some degree (I don't know why, but I've heard that from quite a few people), etc. and you'd probably think the same thing...how did we ever get to be friends?  Not that I'm lacking in friends, but that I'd like it to be easier to have a relationship with others, not just for me to be more comfortable around new people but so that they're more comfortable around me.  What makes an acquaintance more of a friend?  And what makes a lasting friendship?  I've had some awesome friends, but not all of them have stuck around or really kept in contact while others I talk to on a regular basis.  I'm sure there's not a "secret" ingredient, but what is different about some relationships?

I guess that's kind of what I've been wanting to say, but, like I said, it's not fully formed and I feel it to be somewhat awkward in wording.  Again, I'm not lacking in the friend department, it's just been something I've observed and thought about lately.